i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
