is your mom at the bar?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize