I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
