And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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