Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
