Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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