I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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