the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
