Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
