Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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