dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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