He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
