I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
