What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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