At least make sure they are 18
Why
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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