I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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