Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
