We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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