He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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