I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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