You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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