she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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