Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
