No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sober January is a disaster.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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