I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
