Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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