They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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