You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
