Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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