remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize