I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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