I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
