Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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