There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
