last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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