Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am naked and annoyed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
