turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
