Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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