So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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