Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
