Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
