Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
