I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
