Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
