glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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