I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
