He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
