I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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