dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
