Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
