i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
