We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
