I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
