when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
