So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so let's talk penis.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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