The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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