Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
