At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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