all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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