What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
