dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
