gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
