talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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