I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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