i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
