addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
